How to Be Secure

Many people want to know the answer to this question: How do I feel secure? While it's not simple, it is achievable. Realize that it is commonplace to feel insecure but that there are achievable ways to improve your self-confidence and to be a happy, outgoing person.  

 

Steps

1. Never let others justify your existence. Be strong. Only you can be who you are, so be yourself and enjoy it. Revel in the reality that everyone is different, including you.
2. Live for the moment. If you are agonizing over the past or where you're headed, you are doomed to a lifetime of living somewhere else. Bring yourself back to the here and now. Be present. Enjoy whatever you're doing, even if it's tedious, mundane, or unpleasant. There is always something worthwhile to be found in your activity to anchor you.
3. Tell yourself that you are a confident, secure person. In telling yourself, you will succeed in convincing yourself. Insecurity is a state of mind enhanced by the word. If someone tells you what you are, dismiss this judgment, because it's usually them reflecting their "insecurities" on you!
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   Don't become so absorbed in your "insecurities" that you don't realize when someone is being mean or unkind to you. If someone doesn't like you and makes you feel hurt, (which will and does happen 24/7 to everybody), realize it's their problem, not yours. The "hurt" that you experience is a desired result of theirs, not an automatic reaction to hold. Learn to push aside the daily unkindnesses and replace them with rational thoughts instead of gut feelings. Try it: "It is their issue, not my personality".
5. Alter what you don't like about yourself instead of dwelling on your faults. A person who consistently says they can't, can't. Don't get that way in the first place; act now rather than mope all the time.
6. Think outwardly but don't forget about yourself. You must be at peace with yourself before you can be at peace with the world around you, you must love yourself before you can love others, you must give to yourself before you can give to others. Your insecurities are not minimal; they define how you interact with others, so it is crucial to fix yourself before you fix anything else.
7. Remind yourself that nobody knows you better than you! And like it that way; stop worrying that "nobody will ever really understand you". That's cringe-factor thinking and will lead you into a blind alley of self-pity all of your life. Put it this way: Are you willing to put in the effort to truly know someone else inside out the way you want someone to know you inside out? Starts feeling creepy doesn't it? Keep some things for yourself, always. People will know more than enough about you given time.
8. Think ahead and make the right decisions towards a brighter future. You can't change who you were, only who you will become.
9. Decide where you want to be in 10 years' time and make it happen. For instance, do you want to live in that big house near town? Plan, save money, and don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it. If you don't have a plan, you'll be easily persuaded by other people's maps.
10. Remember that everybody is plagued by insecurities, some just choose not to dwell on them. Be one of the people who don't dwell It doesn't mean your anger, frustration and hurt goes away but it does mean you deal with these feelings far more constructively and don't let them eat you up and stop you from doing things in life.
11. Look at people when they're talking to you, and when you want their attention. If someone says "Hi" to you, greet them back. If you don't answer them, you'll feel weird and they'll think the same. You are there, you can't pretend you're not, so be communicative in the best possible way.
    
    

Tips

• Get enough sleep.
• If you're a teen: realize most teens feel emotionally and/or physically insecure at some stage; it's a turbulent and changing time.
• If you feel like life's too much to handle sometimes, don't bottle it up - vent it. Either on paper, to a friend, or a trained counselor, just let it out.
• Don't let insecurities take over your life, because they're not there! Have you ever seen an insecurity?
• Keep reminding yourself "I am in control" whenever you feel insecure or paranoid. On the bus, in the car, at work, or in class, even watching TV - keep repeating it to yourself until it clicks.
• Remember, we are made up of our flaws as well as our good points.
• Even if it feels like the whole world is against you, be good to yourself. Remember, "this too shall pass."
• If you're a student, be in school every day. Learning is necessary, and school is one of the few things you have control of in your life.
• Smile - You're not hurting yourself by being pleasant.
• Don't engage in sexual endeavors that could affect your self esteem; once you do something like that it leaves an emotional scar that you can't shake.

Warnings

• If your insecurities feel overwhelming, and you feel like you can't handle it, there's no shame in asking for help.
• Be nice to people, even if you think they don't like you. Maybe they're just insecure; however, if they are persistently rude, stop interacting with them at anything more than a superficially polite level. Never give details so they can't hang anything off your comments.
• Check out "how to be yourself all the time"
• Don't always think negative about yourself, keep your head held high and always tell yourself the positive things about yourself just don't confuse that with being big headed because you might come off as being conceited.